Pretty much locked in...

This week I am pretty much locked in. It is snowing in Austin. This week suppose to be real cold and I am not even gonna chance it. My doctor said that I don't have to worry but I don't want to worry either...so I will be at home. I am starting to think about what I am going to do for these 6 or so months I will be out of work. I started my own business last year and it was just starting to take off. I am an Image Consultant. My company is called Unique Image. I am a style architect. I would build your image based on your personality. I would do closet audits, go on shopping expeditions, and color coordinate your colors based on your personality and likes. It is something I enjoy tremendously. So now I am trying to figure out...do I want to start this thing back up or do I just let it go. Maybe I should just change my focus on the business as a whole. Instead of focusing on clothing and shopping, I should focus on the name of my business YOUR UNIQUE IMAGE. What does that mean....well we are made in the unique image of GOD. A lot of people don't know that or maybe don't understand it. Maybe just maybe this could be my new platform....just a thought.

Getting Back in the Swing of things...

Oh boy, okay today I went to church after about a month and a half and boy did it feel great! Anyone that knows me would know exactly how I feel about that. I was telling myself to keep it together as the choir began to sing but the lead singer starts with a song that broke me down. Yep you guessed it....NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT by Marvin Sapp. People when I tell you it took everything in me not to TRY and run around the church. Boy the words of the song was already special to me but after you go thru something like this the words just go to another level for you. OMG! Church was fantastic!! The word went forth and it was in line with what I am doing with you today. It was about helping people. Go outside the church and see who needs some help, a word of encourage, some food, some clothing, something. We are here to serve. Whatever you are blessed with and especially if you are blessed with abundance, you have an obligation to give. He has blessed you to bless others. God gave his only son for us, so why cant we give someone a piece of bread?? Oh yea, I did promise a pic of my new hair cut so here it goes. I am getting use to the fact of hair still shedding but this is a start. Maybe next time, a little lower please Charles...:))

A scare that almost took me back....

okay, I am getting dressed for another productive day. I am getting the hang of this again. Waking up in the morning and having somewhere to go is familiar to me. So, here i am getting dressed for another road trip with a friend that offered to drive me around. I am driving around taking care of some things...going slow down the sidewalk, up the stairs, down the stairs, in the car. I am doing pretty much the same thing I did the day before. So later I was done. I rested a little and decided to take one of those hot showers. So, I did. I am drying off with a towel and low and behold I SEE BLOOD!!! I FREAK OUT!!! I start to panic. I look again hoping it is not what I think...it is. I start to freak out even more. I call my friend, you know him the one that told me to go to the hospital. He picked up the phone and said hey what's up?? I didnt want to sound crazy on the phone so I slowly said....I am Bleeding. He said very loud, WHERE?? I said my vagina. He said is it heavy?? I said no not really. He said is it spotting?? I said no, it looks like a period. He stopped and said Mona Lisa is it time for your period?? I said Oh, it might be.....we both laughed a little. He said Mona lisa it just might be time for your regular period. He said but to be sure to make yourself comfortable call your doctor. So, of course I was still a little panicky so I called my doctor. OMG!! People when that doctor told me I was okay it was just the Birth control pills I was too happy. The doctor reassured me I was fine. Later that day the bleeding stopped and true enough it was the pills. I am getting those pills changed as soon as possible. Freaking me out like that. The dosage in the pills are too high for my body now. They were only prescribed for the emergency in the begining. The whole goal in the begining was to stop the bleeding and that is what these pills do. So i just have to get a lower dosage with my OBGYN. Oh people, I dont ever want to see my blood again if I dont have to so, this might be something in the future I might think about....who knows.

Home At Last

Okay, so I've been home for almost a week and let me tell you folks it was hard to swallow in the beginning. When I first came home, it felt a little funny. It had been a month since I had been in my own place. I was excited and a little nervous all at the same time. So later that night I said goodbye to the friends that brought me home and reassured them I would be fine because that is what I believed. Well, bedtime hit and the apartment felt so cold and icy. I went to the bedroom and then it happened. All the memories of that night came flooding back in my head. The bed looked strange because the last time a layed in it I was bleeding like crazy. The bathroom felt cold and still because the last time I was in there I was dialing 911 to come and take me to the hospital. Man, that night was rough. There I was laying and sleeping in the same bed that could have been my death bed if it wasnt for a friend telling me to call. I wasnt even going to do it. That is the part that still trips me out. Thank God for people who love you and want the best for you. Thank God Period! So, unfortunately at the hospital I ended up with a nightmare routine. Every 2 to 4 hours was a nurse coming in my room pumping me up with meds so by the time the night was over I know I woke up at least 6 times throughout the night. Have to get up and administer myself with meds is something to get use to but I have to do it. I plan on doing it as long as it takes because this thing is not going to Win...in the end I DO!!

One Week Back Home...

It has been a whole week since I have been home from the hospital and I am thinking I am back to normal but my body told me other wise. I ended up going on some errands that I had to take care of in person so I got bundled up and headed out with a friend that drove me to those destinations. I was going slow down the sidewalk, up the stairs, in the car. Shoot I thought I was doing really good. Then I came home and I was of course pretty tired so I laid down for a bit. Later, I decided to take a hot shower just to wind down and low and behold hair was coming out in the drain. We are talking about large amounts of hair. Now the Doctor told me it would be a side affect of the Chemo and I had prepared myself in the hospital to deal with it. I told myself, I would be cool with a low hair cut. I had already wore my hair cut short, how bad could that really be. But nothing can explain the feeling of actually seeing your hair come out in such large quantities. So, of course I wasnt liking that at all. So I got out of the shower and started to dry my hair. More hair in the towel. Oh No!!! I said to myself I am calling my barber today this isnt going to work. I looked in the mirror and started to envision my new hair cut. I will get my hair cut and post it as soon as I can get an appointment. I cant wait and see how it looks myself.

Great News..

I was sleep this morning a little later than usual and the Dr. came in and told me that he had some good news. I said really? Now, when this doctor usually comes in the room he is wear a mask. A matter of fact everyone that came to my room had to wear a mask and gloves. It was to protect me from what was going on outside. My immune system could not take a cold or anything like that. So anyway, he said had'nt I noticed anything different with him. I looked but once again i was just getting up and i said what?? He said I don't have my mask on or my gloves. None of the nurses that have been coming in your room today has been wearing them. I have been so use to the "norm" around here i had failed to realize change. I sat up and looked at him and said yes you are right. Does that mean what I think it means?? He said yes, it looks like you will be going home this week. No later than Thursday. That was like music to my eyes. I had been in the hospital a full month now. So I was happy to see the break of day, the sunlight outside. Then I remembered it is 40 degrees outside, we might want to wait to go outside and celebrate. So i decided to celebrate here in the hospital. I got ready put on one of my nicest Pj sets and walked around. I even wet my hair a little to get it managable with some sheen so it could look presentable. Now I am walking down the hall and feel a little funny in the head area. I am thinking did I dry it good?? I cant afford to get a cold. Not now...so I will wait and tell the doctor what I did. Hopefully I didnt just mess up my chance to go home by being over zealous. We will see when he comes thru those doors.....

The more and more.....

.....I sit here..... the more and more I think about what I am going to do when I go home. At first i wasnt sure. I was thinking.... would things be the same?? There is no way things can be the same after this. I see things so differently. I talk and act so differently. I think so differently. I have to say that things will not be the same. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to do what God has me to do here on earth. I want to help as many people as I can. I have always wanted to serve in ways that would later cause me gain. But now it really doesnt even matter. God will pay you in ways you cant even imagine. To have God's favor is better than any amount of money in the world. How does the song go?? "Silver and Gold....Silver and Gold. I'd rather have Jesus than silver and Gold. No fame no fortune, no riches unfold, I'd rather have Jesus than silver and Gold. Everyday is a new day to learn something about the world, about other people and about yourself.

Still On the Train of Recovery

Yes, I am still in the hospital but you cant tell me that I am not growing by leaps and bounds. Being here by myself helps me learn more and more about myself. It also has me deal with myself. I have stopped some arguments with myself and other people by me just doing one thing...simply just stop and think before I unleash the tongue. That tongue is something else. But you know in the bible it says that the tongue has the power of life and death in it. You always have an opportunity to fight or lift. I choose to lift. I am choosing to lift up people who I speak with. This is something that I really hadnt thought about until i just stopped and really listened to myself talk. Have you did that? Just listen to yourself talk. You would be surprised. I sometimes would find myself talking negative. I can not fall in that boat anymore. I am choosing to speak life and think positive. Speak positive to people. If I dont have anything good to say then i am not going to say anything. Just a thought laying here on this Beautiful Saturday laying in my bed and thinking about God's Goodness. Plant some good seeds out there people. You will be grateful that you did.

The Waiting Game

So here I am at the hospital another week doing the waiting game again. The waiting game is when I wait to see my results from the blood tests. The goal is for them to come to my room and tell me that my white blood cell counts are up and the rest of the numbers are on their way up to...sorta like a curve. Last week low and this week high. That was the hope but it didnt really work out that way but God knows what he is doing. There is something else I needed to learn. Someone else I needed to bless or someone needed to bless me. Either way, I am good. So it is now Thursday February 3rd 2010 and i have spent most of my year in the hospital. Very interesting to say the least. I am full of Hope and full of Joy that my future has yet to be unfolded. Nothing I planed for the year is going to happen. God's plan for me is unfolding everyday and that keeps me in antiscipation of the next day. i am looking forward to everyday. I am looking forward to something special happening to me everyday. God is unwraping a gift for us everyday and that gift is life. It is up to us to open it and enjoy or to look at the outside and wonder why was it packaged like that? or Why did it come in that color? or the present sure is small or maybe even too big?? I have learned this year that no matter how the gift is presented OPEN IT UP and ENJOY IT!! Everyday is a new day. New Grace and New Mercy. Thank you Lord!