Today Is A New Day

Today is a new day...To begin the rest of your life.  I choose to forgive and never forget.  Forgive the people who have wronged me and never forget where God has brought me.  We have a choice to heal or to hurt.  I choose to heal.  Did you know that your body could be suffering because you are holding some type of resentment for someone?  That blew me away.  Diseases in our body can be prevented just by being happy and joyful instead of sad and miserable.  I choose to be happy and joyful.  That is how it suppose to be..right??  I have a few major tests coming up in April that will be looking at a few things that will determine whether my body is strong enough to take the next stage of treatment.  When I go in there I want to surprise everyone with how strong I am simply because I decided to LET GO and LET GOD!!!

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

I went to Dallas this weekend and had a blessed time in the Lord.  I actually drove for the first time longer than a few miles here and there like I do in Austin.  But towards the end of my trip, I almost allowed an incident to strip my joy for the rest of the day.  A friend reminded me that I must not let the devil in and steal that joy from me.  Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy us.  God is so good and he blesses us on a constant basis.  It's like sometimes we feel that it suppose to be automatic.  But when something happens contrary to what we planned we focus on it all day if it's bad enough.  I cant allow myself to get in that mode of making minor things major and major things minor.  God is blessing me everyday and that is something to focus on above all else.  God thank you for allowing me to be human but knowing that I am striving to be a better person in you.

Heart Break turns into Heart Felt Praise

Well, I must say, going thru this thing alone can get pretty tough sometimes but I often have to remind myself that I am not alone.  I know God is always with me.  It is just the whole idea about sharing thoughts and emotions with a person you see.  But when you really think about it, God can also be that in your life if you allow him.  God is our everything.  He is our all in all.  He is a father to the fatherless, a mother to the motherless, a brother or a sister.  He can always be your lover.  Just let him in.  So, I chose to let him in to be my Everything....My friend, my lover, my father, my everything!!  Thank you God for being here for me in my time of weakness.  When I am weak..you are strong.

More Great News....

Right now I am on top of the world.  My lil one is here visiting from Dallas for a week at my apartment.  We are spending time together after 3 months of not seeing him.  Boy, this feels good.  I love caring for him.  It gets my mind off other things and back to things that matter.  My middle son came to see me over the weekend. That was fun too!!  He really makes me laugh.  My oldest communicates with me through yahoo messenger.  He is in Iraq.  So, I am blessed beyond measure.  I love 3 loving and caring boys and they love their mother unconditionally and I love them with that same love.  A mother and son bond.....what can I say??  It's unbreakable!!!

A Trip Back Home

I left today to go visit my mom back home in Cameron Tx. What a trip! We left around 11:00am and made it there just in time to almost miss her. My mom is a hard worker. My mom is a cook at a nursing home and she loves her job. My mom would rather work than stay at home any day. She has always been that way. We asked her, what is she going to do when she retires??...She said, relax and kick my feet up. Yea right! We will see how long that lasts. My mom is 60 years of age and still loving and beautiful from the inside out. I love her so much. She is just now deciding to tell her daughter the truth about the birds and the bees....go figure.

A day of doubt...

I allowed myself to start doubting in one area that God has already confirmed to me. God told me that he wants the best for me. I know that is something easily said until you want something and it aint what God wants for you. It is hard to allow total control of your life. To totally trust God in ALL THINGS. We say it but do we mean ALL of it?? Well, I said it.. and found myself still holding on to one little part. Well, you know who won that battle...yep you guessed it... God. Just remember this small prayer because if you really mean it...God will move faster than what you think. Prayer: God I don't want anything that you don't want me to have. Stand back and watch God move after that...

Feeling Good and Looking

Hello People, it is wonderful to feel great and look great. If nobody tells you this, you must tell yourself. You have to believe that you are doing great and the body will follow. I have heard of this theory but now I truly believe it. Your mind is a powerful instrument. On top of belief, you have to know and respect that God controls everything. Whether its good or better. I don't believe that anything is bad because God didn't make anything BAD. The enemy(Satan) wants us to think that God doesn't love us but that is a lie. God loves us. Even when we dig ditches for ourselves, he still gives us a rope for safety. "It all works together for good, for those who love God." Keep this in front of your mind...no matter what.

My First Road Trip

Hello people! Well what can I say. I finally had my first road trip since I've been out of the hospital. You guys know where I wanted to go right?? Yep, Dallas! The goal was to see my youngest son and try to get some info from my exhusband. Also, check out a place where I would love to live. I have been eyeing this place for at least 6 months. Lastly, I wanted to see a really good friend of mine. Now these were the reasons for the trip...did they happen? No, I ended up doing things that weren't on the menu. I didn't get to meet up with the exhusband, didn't get to see my son, didn't get to check the place out where I planned to move, and didn't get to spend enough time with my friend. Did I have a wasted trip...No not at all. I had a chance to spend time with some great people that I consider family and I got to see the city that I love. So I guess another road trip is coming but not anytime soon. Believe it or not ...this trip wore me out! I was so tired. I see now I can seriously only do a few things and then I have to rest. I am grateful to find that out now. I am looking forward to another trip but not just yet. I have a few procedures this coming week that I will let you know about and how it went. Stay prayerful.

Good News...Good News!!

Hey people! It has been a minute since I got on. Man, where do I start?? Well, for starters, the weather cleared up in Austin and man did I go crazy!! I tried to go everywhere imaginable. I went to HEB and Walmart all in the same day....ooohhhhweee. By the time I got home, I was so exhausted. LOL. I just aint ready to do it like I use to yet. And that is really okay with me believe me. I went to another doctor's appointment. He told me that everything was great. My numbers where up and I was still in remission with this disease. I am in a session called maintenance. Maintenance is just when they are killing cells that might pop up. The chemo is for the ones who are being stubborn. I don't take half as many pills anymore. When I was in the hospital I think I was taking at least 10 pills a day....now I am down to 5. I know that seems like a lot but coming from 10 it is good. I have been getting a lot of support from friends and family and that means the world to me. All those out there..you know who you are. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. When something happens that puts you down for awhile, it really tests who your true friends are. I hope I am a living example of a true friend to those who know me because there is nothing like one. Nothing...

Pretty much locked in...

This week I am pretty much locked in. It is snowing in Austin. This week suppose to be real cold and I am not even gonna chance it. My doctor said that I don't have to worry but I don't want to worry either...so I will be at home. I am starting to think about what I am going to do for these 6 or so months I will be out of work. I started my own business last year and it was just starting to take off. I am an Image Consultant. My company is called Unique Image. I am a style architect. I would build your image based on your personality. I would do closet audits, go on shopping expeditions, and color coordinate your colors based on your personality and likes. It is something I enjoy tremendously. So now I am trying to figure out...do I want to start this thing back up or do I just let it go. Maybe I should just change my focus on the business as a whole. Instead of focusing on clothing and shopping, I should focus on the name of my business YOUR UNIQUE IMAGE. What does that mean....well we are made in the unique image of GOD. A lot of people don't know that or maybe don't understand it. Maybe just maybe this could be my new platform....just a thought.

Getting Back in the Swing of things...

Oh boy, okay today I went to church after about a month and a half and boy did it feel great! Anyone that knows me would know exactly how I feel about that. I was telling myself to keep it together as the choir began to sing but the lead singer starts with a song that broke me down. Yep you guessed it....NEVER WOULD HAVE MADE IT by Marvin Sapp. People when I tell you it took everything in me not to TRY and run around the church. Boy the words of the song was already special to me but after you go thru something like this the words just go to another level for you. OMG! Church was fantastic!! The word went forth and it was in line with what I am doing with you today. It was about helping people. Go outside the church and see who needs some help, a word of encourage, some food, some clothing, something. We are here to serve. Whatever you are blessed with and especially if you are blessed with abundance, you have an obligation to give. He has blessed you to bless others. God gave his only son for us, so why cant we give someone a piece of bread?? Oh yea, I did promise a pic of my new hair cut so here it goes. I am getting use to the fact of hair still shedding but this is a start. Maybe next time, a little lower please Charles...:))

A scare that almost took me back....

okay, I am getting dressed for another productive day. I am getting the hang of this again. Waking up in the morning and having somewhere to go is familiar to me. So, here i am getting dressed for another road trip with a friend that offered to drive me around. I am driving around taking care of some things...going slow down the sidewalk, up the stairs, down the stairs, in the car. I am doing pretty much the same thing I did the day before. So later I was done. I rested a little and decided to take one of those hot showers. So, I did. I am drying off with a towel and low and behold I SEE BLOOD!!! I FREAK OUT!!! I start to panic. I look again hoping it is not what I think...it is. I start to freak out even more. I call my friend, you know him the one that told me to go to the hospital. He picked up the phone and said hey what's up?? I didnt want to sound crazy on the phone so I slowly said....I am Bleeding. He said very loud, WHERE?? I said my vagina. He said is it heavy?? I said no not really. He said is it spotting?? I said no, it looks like a period. He stopped and said Mona Lisa is it time for your period?? I said Oh, it might be.....we both laughed a little. He said Mona lisa it just might be time for your regular period. He said but to be sure to make yourself comfortable call your doctor. So, of course I was still a little panicky so I called my doctor. OMG!! People when that doctor told me I was okay it was just the Birth control pills I was too happy. The doctor reassured me I was fine. Later that day the bleeding stopped and true enough it was the pills. I am getting those pills changed as soon as possible. Freaking me out like that. The dosage in the pills are too high for my body now. They were only prescribed for the emergency in the begining. The whole goal in the begining was to stop the bleeding and that is what these pills do. So i just have to get a lower dosage with my OBGYN. Oh people, I dont ever want to see my blood again if I dont have to so, this might be something in the future I might think about....who knows.

Home At Last

Okay, so I've been home for almost a week and let me tell you folks it was hard to swallow in the beginning. When I first came home, it felt a little funny. It had been a month since I had been in my own place. I was excited and a little nervous all at the same time. So later that night I said goodbye to the friends that brought me home and reassured them I would be fine because that is what I believed. Well, bedtime hit and the apartment felt so cold and icy. I went to the bedroom and then it happened. All the memories of that night came flooding back in my head. The bed looked strange because the last time a layed in it I was bleeding like crazy. The bathroom felt cold and still because the last time I was in there I was dialing 911 to come and take me to the hospital. Man, that night was rough. There I was laying and sleeping in the same bed that could have been my death bed if it wasnt for a friend telling me to call. I wasnt even going to do it. That is the part that still trips me out. Thank God for people who love you and want the best for you. Thank God Period! So, unfortunately at the hospital I ended up with a nightmare routine. Every 2 to 4 hours was a nurse coming in my room pumping me up with meds so by the time the night was over I know I woke up at least 6 times throughout the night. Have to get up and administer myself with meds is something to get use to but I have to do it. I plan on doing it as long as it takes because this thing is not going to Win...in the end I DO!!

One Week Back Home...

It has been a whole week since I have been home from the hospital and I am thinking I am back to normal but my body told me other wise. I ended up going on some errands that I had to take care of in person so I got bundled up and headed out with a friend that drove me to those destinations. I was going slow down the sidewalk, up the stairs, in the car. Shoot I thought I was doing really good. Then I came home and I was of course pretty tired so I laid down for a bit. Later, I decided to take a hot shower just to wind down and low and behold hair was coming out in the drain. We are talking about large amounts of hair. Now the Doctor told me it would be a side affect of the Chemo and I had prepared myself in the hospital to deal with it. I told myself, I would be cool with a low hair cut. I had already wore my hair cut short, how bad could that really be. But nothing can explain the feeling of actually seeing your hair come out in such large quantities. So, of course I wasnt liking that at all. So I got out of the shower and started to dry my hair. More hair in the towel. Oh No!!! I said to myself I am calling my barber today this isnt going to work. I looked in the mirror and started to envision my new hair cut. I will get my hair cut and post it as soon as I can get an appointment. I cant wait and see how it looks myself.

Great News..

I was sleep this morning a little later than usual and the Dr. came in and told me that he had some good news. I said really? Now, when this doctor usually comes in the room he is wear a mask. A matter of fact everyone that came to my room had to wear a mask and gloves. It was to protect me from what was going on outside. My immune system could not take a cold or anything like that. So anyway, he said had'nt I noticed anything different with him. I looked but once again i was just getting up and i said what?? He said I don't have my mask on or my gloves. None of the nurses that have been coming in your room today has been wearing them. I have been so use to the "norm" around here i had failed to realize change. I sat up and looked at him and said yes you are right. Does that mean what I think it means?? He said yes, it looks like you will be going home this week. No later than Thursday. That was like music to my eyes. I had been in the hospital a full month now. So I was happy to see the break of day, the sunlight outside. Then I remembered it is 40 degrees outside, we might want to wait to go outside and celebrate. So i decided to celebrate here in the hospital. I got ready put on one of my nicest Pj sets and walked around. I even wet my hair a little to get it managable with some sheen so it could look presentable. Now I am walking down the hall and feel a little funny in the head area. I am thinking did I dry it good?? I cant afford to get a cold. Not now...so I will wait and tell the doctor what I did. Hopefully I didnt just mess up my chance to go home by being over zealous. We will see when he comes thru those doors.....

The more and more.....

.....I sit here..... the more and more I think about what I am going to do when I go home. At first i wasnt sure. I was thinking.... would things be the same?? There is no way things can be the same after this. I see things so differently. I talk and act so differently. I think so differently. I have to say that things will not be the same. I want to make a difference in people's lives. I want to do what God has me to do here on earth. I want to help as many people as I can. I have always wanted to serve in ways that would later cause me gain. But now it really doesnt even matter. God will pay you in ways you cant even imagine. To have God's favor is better than any amount of money in the world. How does the song go?? "Silver and Gold....Silver and Gold. I'd rather have Jesus than silver and Gold. No fame no fortune, no riches unfold, I'd rather have Jesus than silver and Gold. Everyday is a new day to learn something about the world, about other people and about yourself.

Still On the Train of Recovery

Yes, I am still in the hospital but you cant tell me that I am not growing by leaps and bounds. Being here by myself helps me learn more and more about myself. It also has me deal with myself. I have stopped some arguments with myself and other people by me just doing one thing...simply just stop and think before I unleash the tongue. That tongue is something else. But you know in the bible it says that the tongue has the power of life and death in it. You always have an opportunity to fight or lift. I choose to lift. I am choosing to lift up people who I speak with. This is something that I really hadnt thought about until i just stopped and really listened to myself talk. Have you did that? Just listen to yourself talk. You would be surprised. I sometimes would find myself talking negative. I can not fall in that boat anymore. I am choosing to speak life and think positive. Speak positive to people. If I dont have anything good to say then i am not going to say anything. Just a thought laying here on this Beautiful Saturday laying in my bed and thinking about God's Goodness. Plant some good seeds out there people. You will be grateful that you did.

The Waiting Game

So here I am at the hospital another week doing the waiting game again. The waiting game is when I wait to see my results from the blood tests. The goal is for them to come to my room and tell me that my white blood cell counts are up and the rest of the numbers are on their way up to...sorta like a curve. Last week low and this week high. That was the hope but it didnt really work out that way but God knows what he is doing. There is something else I needed to learn. Someone else I needed to bless or someone needed to bless me. Either way, I am good. So it is now Thursday February 3rd 2010 and i have spent most of my year in the hospital. Very interesting to say the least. I am full of Hope and full of Joy that my future has yet to be unfolded. Nothing I planed for the year is going to happen. God's plan for me is unfolding everyday and that keeps me in antiscipation of the next day. i am looking forward to everyday. I am looking forward to something special happening to me everyday. God is unwraping a gift for us everyday and that gift is life. It is up to us to open it and enjoy or to look at the outside and wonder why was it packaged like that? or Why did it come in that color? or the present sure is small or maybe even too big?? I have learned this year that no matter how the gift is presented OPEN IT UP and ENJOY IT!! Everyday is a new day. New Grace and New Mercy. Thank you Lord!

On My Way Home.....I thought....

Well, here I was telling myself that I am actually going home after being in the hospital from January 9th - January 29th. 20 days of being poked with needles, filled with blood, plasma, platelets, antibiotics, and just plan old medicine that I cant even pronounce. What would I do first when I get home?? Would I pretend like nothing happened and flop down on the couch and see what is on TV? Or would I go to the kitchen and cook me a nice little meal. One especially made for me. Or would I go straight to the bedroom and take me a long nap? Well, while I was thinking of all these wonderful things, the doctor walked in my room and said, Mona Lisa we decided we will keep you over the weekend to make sure your numbers or blood counts are up. We are just making sure that you are fit to go home and function. Well, I was sorta disappointed but when I thought about how important my counts or numbers are...I looked at the doctor and said, No problem. So I laid back down in the hospital bed, ordered me some hospital food, turned on my plasma hospital TV and got under the warm covers. God knows what he is doing and I have learned to stay in my lane. I have learned to slow it down. I have learned to be anxious for nothing. God is in control of everything. The moment that really sinks in is the moment the weights and worries are lifted. And life gets lighter. And my love gets stronger and stronger for him.

"I Told The Storm"

Hey Bloggers...these past two weeks I have been in a holding pattern. The hospital gave me my last kemo theropy treatment the Sunday before last and the past two weeks was just watching and waiting to see how my body responds. Well, the first week I was like alright this kemo thing is not going to be so bad. I am thinking that there will be a drop in my numbers and by numbers I mean blood counts. But people when I tell you the second week was something else. I live in Austin Texas right now and Austin is known for Cedar Fever which is bad allergies. Now mind you I have allergies but they were never that serious. Well, the doctors informed me that when my counts are low the common cold is magnified. So when regular people are blowing their noses, I would blow my nose and my nose would bleed. My bones and joints ached like the flu. Now I am started to get the side effects of hair loss. Now this has always been in the back of my head. I was always trying to prepare myself for that but ladies and gentlemen my scalp felt like someone put my head in a bucket of clorox or set my head on fire. My skin that is around my forehead is sensitive to the touch. The skin around my ears and sensitive. I dont even want to touch more or less comb my hair. Man, I just started to pray. I told the nurse when she came in was that part of the signs of the hair loss, she told me yes. I said to myself, I wish someone could just come rub my scalp with some blue Magic...crisco...something. Low and behold God sent an Angel. A girlfriend of mine that started her own hair line and skin products. Needless to say she gave my scalp a good greezn and I was Good. Thanks Sharon, I will never forget you for that.